CASE: LAUREN v MIKE
⚖️
📋 OFFICIAL SUMMONS — LAUREN ANGEL EYES

STATE
YOUR
CASE.

You have been summoned to the Court of Mike.
Charges have been filed. Evidence is required.
A PowerPoint has been ordered. 💖

↓ SCROLL TO SEE YOUR CRIMES ↓
⚠️ EXHIBIT A — THE CHARGES

The Official List of
Offences Committed

The following charges have been brought before the Court of Mike.
All charges are considered very serious. Some are frankly unbelievable.
The court thanks you for your many crimes.

1
😤 Getting Angry Over Nothing
On multiple occasions, the defendant was observed entering a state of fury with no discernible cause. Mike was simply existing. That was apparently enough.
MEDIUM
2
💐 Rejecting the Flowers
Mike, a man of romance and good taste, presented flowers. They were rejected. FLOWERS. He brought her FLOWERS. The court is appalled. Frankly, so are the flowers.
SEVERE
3
👴 The Grey Hair Comment
The defendant was heard commenting on Mike's distinguished silver highlights. For the record: grey hairs are a sign of wisdom, experience and pulling power. The court has noted this.
CRIMINAL
4
💸 Concealing the Skincare Costs
Lauren has never once, not on a single occasion, disclosed what she spends on skincare. The court suspects it is an amount that would make grown men weep. She knows. She will not say.
SEVERE
5
🍹 Drinky Drink Entrapment
The defendant administered a "drinky drink" to Mike, then proceeded to force kisses upon him. He was defenceless. He had a drinky drink. The court notes Mike did not complain at the time but legally it still counts.
MILD (but noted)
6
🚗 Repeated Slander of the Vehicle
On numerous occasions, Lauren referred to Mike's car as "the Stuart Little car." The vehicle in question is a perfectly respectable automobile. Stuart Little, for reference, drove a very cool car. The court is conflicted on this one but records the offence regardless.
CRIMINAL
📜 THE ORDER OF THE COURT

Lauren Must Present
Her Case via PowerPoint.

1
The presentation must be no fewer than 8 slides. The court does not accept half-effort apologies.
2
Slide 1 must open with a formal acknowledgement that the Stuart Little car is, in fact, cool.
3
There must be a slide dedicated to why the flowers should have been accepted. With evidence. And remorse.
4
The skincare budget must be revealed on slide 4. An itemised breakdown is preferred. The court has waited long enough.
5
There must be a slide listing at least 5 reasons Mike is great, including but not limited to: mini golf champion, joke connoisseur, flower bringer.
6
The final slide must include a formal apology, a promise about the grey hair comments, and confirmation that the drinky drink situation will not be repeated (or will, depending on the verdict).
7
The presentation must include at least one slide about Toast the snake because the court loves Toast. Toast is innocent in all of this.
🔍 EXHIBIT B — REQUIRED EVIDENCE

What the Prosecution
Needs to See

💐
Flower Remorse
A written, sworn statement on why the flowers were unfairly rejected. A simple "sorry" will not suffice. The court expects at least a paragraph.
🚗
Vehicle Apology
A formal retraction of all Stuart Little comments. An acknowledgement that Stuart Little actually drove with confidence and style is acceptable.
💸
Skincare Confession
The number. Just the number. The court will not faint. Mike will faint, but the court will be fine. Reveal the skincare budget.
👴
Grey Hair Retraction
A formal declaration that distinguished silver highlights are attractive, characterful, and frankly a gift. Must be in writing. Under oath.
💖
Proof of Missing Him
Evidence that the 3-4 hour phone call happened because she missed him. The court already knows. It just wants to hear it said officially.
🏆
Mini Golf Recognition
Formal acknowledgement that Mike is, and remains, Mini Golf Champion of the Universe. Including over children. Especially over children.
⚖️ CURRENT VERDICT STATUS

Where Things Stand
Right Now

😤 Still In Trouble 💖 All Forgiven

Current status: PowerPoint pending.
The court is willing to be lenient. Mike is a fair man.
He did after all beat children at mini golf and still offered flowers.
That tells you everything about his character.

Submit the PowerPoint. The grey hairs await justice. 👴⚖️

Ready to Make
Your Case, Lauren?

The court is in session.
The judge is waiting (he's the one with the cool car).
Toast the snake is watching. 🐍

* Submitting a PowerPoint does not guarantee a verdict.
It does however guarantee Mike will absolutely love it. 💖
🦕 = I love you. You know what to do.